Happy new year, my dears. You might remember me writing about my beloved and hard-won Rules for who and how I want to be in the world. But I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed by uncertainty for awhile now. I finally had to realize, and admit to myself, that what brought me this far is not exactly what I need to take me forward. This is where I am now:

I followed the Rules here.
Where am I?
Where am I going?

I am standing on rocks in a river.
I am the rocks. I am the river.

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I am the rocks. This does not change.

One.
Heart shining unafraid.
I do not need to carry fears.
I free my hands to support my shining heart.
Two.
Don’t be mean to me.
I do not turn fear inwards on myself.
I see that it is outside me.
Three.
Enjoy life.
I give myself: health, husband, impact, family, friends.

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I am the river. This is how I flow.

Be.
I trust me as I am.
I am safe. I am enough. I can just be.
(1)

Ask.
Not knowing is the beginning.
What do I want to learn? What do I want to give?
(2)

Try.
I am always choosing. I am already changed.
I choose what I try now, and I begin again.
(4)

See.
I learn new things, so
I see new choices.
(3)

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I hold the river and the rocks.
They hold me.
Here and onwards

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1.1.19