Once upon a time, not too long ago, I was a new member on the DEI Committee for a nonprofit I still love. It was a beautiful early-June day, and we — the almost all-white staff and volunteer committee members — were debating how the organization should honor Juneteenth for the first time.

We talked faster and our voices grew more urgent as the discussion stretched from a minor bullet point in a crowded agenda to take up most of our allotted hour. [footnote 1, sense of urgency]

After all, we were the DEI Committee! The whole board and leadership — again, mostly white people — had been talking lately about how to incorporate DEI into our strategy! We wanted our handful of Black clients to know we supported the holiday! Surely we needed to do SOMETHING! [footnote 2, quantity over quality]

But… one of us had tried to hire a well-known local Black caterer to prepare a special meal for the dining hall, and he must have already been booked up because he never responded.

That was okay, though, because our on-staff chef — a white woman — was willing to try cooking some traditional Black foods, if we told her what we had in mind. [footnote 3, paternalism]

But… our chef was concerned that it might be hard to find soul-food recipes online in such a short time and make them in a way that would be acceptable to the majority of our clients who weren’t used to those dishes. [footnote 4, right to comfort]

That was okay, though, because one of us had already done some online research. “We can just get some red velvet cupcakes at the bakery. I read that those are a symbol of Juneteenth.”

“They are?” asked the only Black woman on the DEI Committee, wonderingly.

“Yes, anything red is symbolic. Because of the blood of the enslaved people,” a white woman replied. [footnote 5, either/or thinking]

“It is?” again asked the Black woman, a retired community leader who had spent years as a mediator and trainer on interracial issues. “I did not know that,” she said with sincere curiosity.

That was okay, though, because everybody agreed that cupcakes are always good. We would do that. For now. After all, we were just starting our work. “And Juneteenth is new,” one of us said.

But… I knew that was wrong, because back in the 90’s when I was a recent Harvard grad working in the historically Black community of East Palo Alto, I had seen a printed flier promoting a local Juneteenth celebration. It made a big impression on me — because the design was a total mess, as far as I was concerned. What I noticed was a cornucopia of different fonts and colors and clip-art illustrations, so sprinkled with typos that I thought the word “Juneteenth” itself was probably a mistake. I remember shaking my oh-so-knowledgeable head over it. [footnote 6, worship of the written word]

That was okay, though, because our DEI Committee finally did get something right, as I look back: We left off by setting an agenda item for next time, about how we could start to plan ahead for future opportunities to authentically honor holidays and “history months” celebrated by our clients of color. [footnote 7, antidote to urgency]

“In future, if you let me know *in advance,* my friend and I would be more than happy to prepare some of our favorite foods to share with anyone who would like a sample,” suggested our Black colleague with the tiniest edge to her gentle tone. “We could also play some music. Music has great power to bring people together, you know. Even people who don’t like the food might enjoy the music.” [footnote 8, a brilliant example of the antidotes to perfectionism and paternalism in a single wisdom-filled package]

My friends, I hope it’s clear to you that I am the one I’m calling out here. Yes, it’s a story that took place among a group of women at a particular organization — but I’ve been all those white women at different times on my journey. I hope that someday I’ll look back on myself of today with greater wisdom, wishing lovingly that I’d known sooner about something I cannot yet see in myself.

And more importantly, it’s not just me, it’s not just these women, it’s not just this nonprofit. The footnotes refer to Tema Okun’s eye-opening 1999 article, “White Supremacy Culture,” in which she names patterns that come up over and over and over again in our institutions and interactions across our entire society.

As Okun points out, “Culture is powerful precisely because it is so present and at the same time so very difficult to name or identify… these attitudes and behaviors can show up in any group or organization, whether it is white-led or predominantly white or people of color-led or predominantly people of color.”

So, with deep appreciation for Okun and those who came before and after her, here are my footnotes. I offer them hoping that you may find value in reading or sharing the full article and the expanded website that she and her allies recently created around it.

1. Sense of urgency: “makes it difficult to take time to be inclusive, encourage democratic and/or thoughtful decision-making”

2. Quantity over quality: “no understanding that when there is a conflict between content (the agenda of the meeting) and process (people’s need to be heard or engaged), process will prevail (for example, you may get through the agenda, but if you haven’t paid attention to people’s need to be heard, the decisions made at the meeting are undermined and/or disregarded)”

3. Paternalism: “those with power assume they are capable of making decisions for and in the interests of those without power”

4. Right to comfort: “the belief that those with power have a right to emotional and psychological comfort”

5. Either/or thinking: “results in trying to simplify complex things”

6. Worship of the written word: “does not value other ways in which information gets shared; those with strong documentation and writing skills are more highly valued”

7. Antidote to urgency: “discussion and planning for what it means to set goals of inclusivity and diversity, particularly in terms of time”

8. Antidotes to perfectionism and paternalism: “offer specific suggestions for how to do things differently when offering criticism… include people who are affected by decisions in the decision-making”

Again, please know that I’m not citing these as “rules” that were “broken.” There’s so much overlap between these phenomena, this isn’t an exhaustive analysis, and if anyone has standing to hand out DEI Violations like parking tickets, it ain’t me.

The point, in my opinion, is that the list in the White Supremacy Culture article is about learning NOT to box ourselves in. It’s about learning to slow down, expand our relationships, get more curious, commit ourselves more deeply to strengthening our proposed solutions by gathering in as much wisdom as possible.

Juneteenth has been offering us just such an opportunity since 1865. On this day, as Black communities celebrate for themselves and graciously reach out to include everyone in an incredible range of joyous traditions, it’s easier for folks like me to connect with generous guides who want to help us more clearly see and celebrate the beauty and power of Black lives. It’s gonna take awhile, but we have all day. And all our days.

Happy Juneteenth, my dears. Onwards together, always.